Ego VS Soul
Ego seeks outward recognition Soul seeks inner authenticity
Ego sees life as a competition Soul sees life as a gift
Ego looks outward Soul looks inward
Ego feels lack Soul feels abundance
Ego is mortal Soul is eternal
Ego is cause to pain Soul is cause of healing
I saw a great post on Facebook, Ego VS. Soul. I just jotted down a few insights that are important to me. It resonated because after my marriage fell apart, my ego was definitely bruised. The first months I was barely hanging on, but then one day came and I decided, or my ego decided, that it was a great time to join a dating site. One of the points of the post, Ego seeks outward recognition was quite accurate. So, the dating began. Almost always, it was one and done. As much as I desired to feel the thrill of having someone interested in me, I just could not go through with a second date. Sometimes it was because they were not my type, however most times, I left feeling empty.
The counter point of the ego's need for recognition is the soul seeking inner authenticity. I think this is why the post spoke to me. I was chasing attention but in need of real connection and at the same time, I was emotionally unavailable. It was the inner authenticity I was craving and was too broken understand how to achieve this. As I looked inward to accept myself, my ego would sneak in trying to look outside for peace and acceptance.
As I said in my last blog, I have done a lot of personal work to learn how to deal with the pain, rejection, and the need to find out the why. At the same time I also tried very hard not to let my indignant feelings or my ego guide my decisions. By no means was I always successful! Plenty of times I fell down the rabbit hole, as I said, it’s just not satisfying.
I took some time off from the dating scene before I moved to Scottsdale to try to really figure out who I am now. This is why the next few points of the, Ego VS Soul post, have made an impact to me. I felt as if I were competing for so long. Competing on so many levels from wanting love, parenting styles, attention, even with my own perception of myself. One minute I want to be a sinner, the next a saint. I still struggle but I feel like my soul is in a much better place.
So much has changed over the last several years. I am an empty nester, yet still an active mom. (I love living near 2/3 of the kids!) I am in a new sunny city that keeps me smiling, (yet still miss my family and friends terribly). I am learning how to do everything in a modern world for myself. As frustrating and difficult it can be at times, it is also rewarding when I figure out all the tech issues I had never dealt with my old life. I am a single divorcee, and yet have successfully moved across the country by myself to a new house that I am currently under renovation to make it our home. I feel blessed that, once again, I now appreciate that life is a gift. Competing is exhausting, pain is exhausting, loss is exhausting, the ego is exhausting. I just have to keep reminding myself to put the ego in its place because it is my soul that I would like to have a deep intuitive understanding of.
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