I am mid renovation, and my house is a disaster. There is dust everywhere, moving boxes that have been repacked with the decorative accessories and small appliances, dishes in the bathroom and 2 puppies who chase every vacuum and wet/dry vac that enters my home. To say it is overwhelming may be an understatement. Progress has been slow due to Covid 19, so it’s hard to complain, so I won’t. The stress is still real though! It’s not only stressful from a mess point of view but also the amount of work it takes to update a home.
To add to the chaos in my life, I read several chapters in 3 different books between last night and this afternoon. I fell asleep reading a murder thriller, started the morning with a self-help on how to forgive, and ended with my favorite comedic author, David Sedaris. I also managed to fit in a podcast featuring Brene Brown being interviewed with Debra Millman.
The podcast had several amazing points. One that stood out was to have the courage to stand alone. Maya Angelou once said, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place, you belong every place, no place at all. The price is high, the reward is great. The desire to belong has caused loneliness to the point of despair at times. I am thankful I have passed through the phase and am now recognizing the importance of how belonging to yourself is. Brene also talked about 3 different ways to deal with pain. 1. Pretend it didn’t happen until its too late. 2. Take your pain and inflict it on others. 3. Acknowledge your pain, see it in others, then own the pain and walk through it. I can say I am happy to be on third option. I certainly pretended at times, I know I have inflicted my pain on my ex, and hopefully not too much, but even my kids. I am hoping that at this point I am owning my pain and powering through. I have certainly been trying. Brene also reminded me that just because someone didn’t or couldn’t love me, that doesn’t make me unlovable.
I have never done group therapy but, my friend Jodi told me that the reason it is so successful is that when you give advice to someone out loud, that it resonates with yourself. It’s a realization that perhaps your own advice for someone else can be just as helpful for you. I certainly have doled out advice before to others who have been hurting. I just need to heed my own advice; you are worthy and lovable.
Not just worthy and lovable but vulnerable to trust again, and to forgive. Healing is my choice. I am in control of my thoughts. As the days pass, I feel happier with me, so it becomes easier to look back without a heavy heart but with a certain joy that I was able to live the life I did. In the opening chapter of, The Best of Me by David Sedaris, he writes about the word family, “Essential to the word is that people you are surrounded by were not chosen. They were assigned by fate, and now you must deal with them in one way or another until you die.” It’s a good thing I love my family.
Coming soon- The Best of Me. (mid- renovation)
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