I lived alone in a studio apartment in NYC for 5 years before getting married. During that time my confidence soared as the years passed. I clearly remember the first time I opened the front door to my brownstone after signing the lease, I felt an out of body experience like I had never felt before. It was somewhere between exhilaration, fear, anxiousness, and independence. The first three emotions gradually faded, and my confidence grew to a level of self-acceptance I had never had before.
Moving to a new state alone renewed all the same emotions. Scared of how I would handle home ownership alone, anxious not knowing anybody, and thrilled about starting over in a place I can call my own. The difference that I have found is how much longer it has taken for me to believe in myself. I had several out-of-town guests recently. I felt so unbelievably loved and yet they still had insights that were different, eye opening, and refreshing all at the same time.
I had one friend who was so happy for me to be in such a good head space and really living my best life. She had been here for her niece’s bachelorette party, and we fortunately got to spend a day together. I think she saw how good Scottsdale has been for me. My other friend who flew in recognized that although I was happy, my self-acceptance still wasn’t like it was years ago. She said you have to be completely happy being by yourself. She thought I was close but not quite there. I think she is right. I feel happy and content alone, but not always. Is self-acceptance the key to happiness? I don’t know but I do think it certainly is a big part of the overall picture.
Perhaps God puts people in your life as a little reminder to say, “you are good enough!” at the times when you are trying to make it so. It seems like that is when I am most reminded, “I am Enough”. I am working hard to get that full feeling of contentment and always being happy just being with me.
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