Unfortunate Dates

Dates remind us of so many emotions. The best dates bring joy in reflecting on them as well as producing hope and excitement for the future ones. Most times, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries fall into this category. On the flip side, some dates are reminders of calamitous events. Death, illness, and divorce often fall into those moments in time. Yesterday was one of those days. It has been three years yesterday that my ex told the kids that he was leaving. I was reminded by my daughter. It was a painful reminder not only because it made me look back but because my daughter has that date imprinted on her mind. It is a reminder of pain for my family that we have experienced that can't be erased. My heart hurts for my kids whose worlds have been rocked to the core.

Statistics show that, surprisingly, younger children fair better than older ones throughout divorce. When I found this out it took a few minutes to process this information. It is almost counter intuitive. I thought that teenagers would be stronger and more capable to handle the hurt. Unfortunately, in the teen years they have an emotional understanding of what is happening, so they realize the gravity of the situation. Their lives will be forever changed.

This type of devastation effects everybody differently. Some can face the pain and work through the trauma. On the flip side, if you don't deal with suffering while you are going through it, the pain is only covered up. My therapist uses the analogy: The farther you push the beach ball down, the higher that ball is going to explode when you let it go. The same goes for your emotions. If you don't deal with the issues, they will come back to haunt you. I know for me, I try to face the pain but sometimes it has been just easier to push away the grief. I have found that the analogy always proves right. It is far harder when the emotions surface.

I have watched the kids over the years cry, be angry, grow, accept, have anxiety, be depressed, laugh, learn, communicate, and have grace. I am amazed at how much compassion and empathy I have seen. I see a great deal of emotional intelligence as well as maturity. Time may never heal all wounds, but I hope that many of the wounds are now scarred over. I have found time and time again that with adversity comes strength. I pray every day that my kids continue to communicate with me about all aspects of their lives. The wonderful things as well as the hard things. I pray they find beauty and trust in this world.