Where Your Treasure Is, Your Heart Will Be

Today is the day. I am not sure how I feel about today. It is the day that the divorce paperwork came in my inbox. It is perhaps a bittersweet feeling. I think I will always mourn for the man that I married yet I am happy where I am at. Jay Shetty has said, "People don't cheat because they don't respect you but because they don't respect themselves. If you are willing to cheat on someone that is willing to do absolutely everything for you, well guess what? You cheated yourself out of true loyalty. When someone cheats on you it reflects so much more on who they are and not so much on who you are. Recognizing that cheating is a reflection on their insecurities. Don't let that amplify your own."

I happened to go on a date recently and his wife also cheated on him. He told me that he finally understand that her cheating wasn't about him. Accepting that made a huge difference in his life. It does take time to process the concept. At first you blame yourself for not being good enough. You look back and see all of your flaws as well as your "perceived" flaws. You inundate yourself with endless questions of why wasn't I good enough, how could I have done things differently, he told me he loved me so how could he disrespect me like this, he told me he wanted our marriage to work so why did he cheat again? I slowly realized that it was pointless to ponder the answers because it would change nothing and only potentially hurt me more.

I also look back now and don't believe it was my fault. Don't get me wrong, I recognize I have flaws. I can be short tempered, raise my voice, be demanding, be unreasonable and passionate about my beliefs. I also believe that our marriage had many beautiful moments and that my flaws did not warrant an affair but rather better communication, honesty and loyalty. I am confident today in who I am. I have learned and grown in so many positive ways over the 22 months. I am past believing that I wasn't good enough. Today I know I am worth fighting for.

As I have previously mentioned, so much has to do with forgiveness. I have too much love to share than to look back and focus on the negative or wonder why. Sometimes it slips in but I make a concerted effort to remember that God wants me to trust in Him with my burdens. Today I happened upon Matthew 6:19-21, Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. I want my heart in the right place. I do not wish to focus on the moths, vermin and thieves for it produces discouragement. Forgiveness leads to acceptance. Focusing on treasures in heaven lead to joy. I am starting over as a single woman ready to put the past behind me and make the magic happen!